Breaking Up With Barry

Dear Barry,

In any relationship we want certain things. We want to be accepted and loved for what we are. We want the other person in the relationship to care more about us and our happiness than they do about their own. We want to be lifted up and encouraged to be the best we can be. This is pretty much standard-issue human need.

This relationship just isn’t giving me what I need.

You came into my life not accepting me for what I was, but stating openly your intention to “fundamentally change” everything I was. You have never looked at me and seen “a thousand points of light”, you see only my faults, frailties and failings.I made a mistake at the very beginning and I regret that. You tried so very hard to get my attention and eventually I gave it. I wasn’t particularly interested in you but you worked so long that I guess I felt a little guilty about ignoring you.

You have hidden things from me and you have threatened me while promising I would know everything that was going on and giving me your promise that you would keep me safe. You have criticized me in public at every opportunity and you have done so with enthusiasm; never trying to mask your contempt.Our finances are a mess and if I express any concern you shout me down, call me names and accuse me to any that will listen of being a mal-content. We are broke and you keep putting more debt on the credit cards. We can’t buy groceries for our family and you are promising the neighbors that you will pay their bills. You do not love me.

We used to have a large group of friends. They were OUR friends, now they are either YOUR friends or they are unwelcome. They don’t listen to me at all anymore. They do what you want them to do and ignore me. My voice is muted and my importance in this relationship is completely diminished.

I never expected you to be perfect. All of us fail sometimes. All of us make mistakes. I can accept failure as long as I can put my head on the pillow each night knowing my hero did his best to win the battle. The issue for me is that you promised so much but delivered nothing and you accept responsibility for none of the shortfalls. Not everything can be blamed on someone else. You either were not as ready as you thought you were or you weren’t as smart as you thought you were or you just lied to get what you wanted from me. None of this matters now; I can’t go on like this.

There is going to be someone new in my life soon. I don’t know who it will be, but I know it will not be you and I know that I have learned a great deal from our time together. Never again will I buy the package without knowing the contents. Never again will I let someone tell me that they can turn water to wine. Never again will I try to be lifted up by someone that looks down on me.

I’m not evil. I will give you some time to get packed and find somewhere to go, but be assured, you are going. This relationship is over.

A. Merica